Today, on the 7th day of 2024, I had a startling realization: I've been emotionally dead for a long time. As I sat alone, reflecting inward, attempting to decipher the root of my profound self-resentment, I concluded—I'm not truly myself. You might be wondering what I mean by that. Allow me to elaborate.

Somewhere along my life's journey, the vibrant light within me died. I confronted myself with difficult questions: "Where did things go awry?" "What caused this change in me?" "What am I doing incorrectly?" These inquiries swiftly transported me back to my childhood, where I witnessed a stark contrast between the person I once was and the individual I've become. This realization stirred a tumult of emotions within me—I labeled it as mourning the child within.

Oh, how vibrant I used to be! A brilliant, inquisitive child full of life, constantly probing the world around me. I was an avid reader, unafraid to express my emotions, socially adept, overflowing with creativity and confidence. Yet, somehow, somewhere, I lost that spark.

I transformed into a shadow of mediocrity, embracing nihilism and pervasive sadness. I became the antithesis of everything that defined "me."

I find myself in a state of confusion. Writing this serves as an attempt to declutter my mind and reconcile with my conscience. If you have any insights or experiences related to this journey, or any practical resources that could help, I'd deeply appreciate it. P.S. While I've explored Christian teachings, I'm seeking more tangible and practical guidance.